Just For Fun!

The NJ Crossword Competition!  £25-00 Marks and Spencers voucher

Print this page out, complete it and email us the answers. We will select a winner from the most correctly completed crosswords and give you a prize! This month it's a £25-00 Marks and Spencer voucher

Remember, most of the answers are associated with the great outdoors.  Don't worry if you can't get all the answers. You might win anyway if you have the most!!

Well peeps, it seems the crossword may be a little tricky as not a great response yet. Its worth sending in even if you only have a few answers, you may still win. Next time I'll make it a easier for you.

Cartoon

God Finds Out About Lawn Care

Grass lawns have to be the silliest thing. We fight dandelions, thistles and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four step chemical program.

Perhaps this is the conversation The Creator would have with St. Francis about this:

"Frank you know all about gardens and stuff. What is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, thistles and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies & honey bees. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites, they started calling your flowers 'weeds' and killed them and replaced them with grass."

"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"

"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.""The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it. sometimes twice a week."

"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"

"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"

"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."

"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away, these Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."

"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."

"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"

"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."